This winter never ends.

You don’t remember, but I do. I always do, although I’ve always tried not to do it. I remember every breath we took, every move we made. But we’re not supposed to be friends. We never were. We were one for some months, but after that it all comes back for bad.

I wasn’t able to love someone after you. After the time I spent with you. That was 3 years ago, you know? I never wasn’t able to kiss a girl, or sleep next to one. And yeah. Sometimes, I’m fucking lonesome.

After all these months with you, I thought I would know, what I’ve done wrong. But again and again, I’m making the same mistakes. Creating problems, which wouldn’t be important. Making everything so difficult.

It will be awesome, when I find love again. I would be a complete different person. I wouldn’t be me again. And yeah. That would be great.

Photocredits: just4ikarus | flickr

Through the glass. [A love letter]

Dear you

You know me. I’m not that guy, who really can handle the words. But now I’m sitting here just to write you this letter. You are surprised? So am I. I’m surprising me since days. And all those days through I wasn’t able to stop thinking of you.

These words are right for you. I need you. I really do. It sounds weird, doesn’t it? But through all those days of thinking I just recognized this. We don’t know each other for ages, it’s just a few months ago, when we met. It wasn’t love at first sight. Well, you looked nice, interesting, beauty. But I hope you know this. But I really started to be interested after we met the second time. It was an awesome evening we spent together.

We started our relationship on a really weird idea of communication. We didn’t see each other very often. Maybe we just not need that. We wanted to start discovering each other with a distance. It was nice. But now? We are done, aren’t we? We need to go further, we need to start dating, don’t we?

You maybe haven’t recognized me as what I am. I’m a strange guy (well, that’s something you should have recognized yet), but in many ways I’m totally different from all the others. I’m romantic, I’m humourful, I can keep calm in the right moments. And I stopped thinking of eternity. Eternal love is nearly impossible. And I’m not looking forward to it. It’s hard to find the other part, which fits for “eternity”. Everybody’s changing, and sometimes you drift apart. That’s normal, isn’t it?

We should start it. Should start to fell in love, should start loving. Till the end. Days, weeks, months later, when the love is gone, and right before we both forget the wonderful time we spent together. We shouldn’t care about all those freaky people, who still believe in eternity. We would quit and everything would be alright, wouldn’t it be nice?

But although we both know that it will be over some day, I promise, that I won’t love you. Love isn’t something limited for few people. It’s easy to love someone. And I would be the one, who will give you wonderful feelings. Sometimes I just would like to hug you, for some seconds. And I would love to watch the stars with you, to walk through the cold, glittering snow. I would love to hold your hand, to touch your hair. I would cry, if you wanted to. I would hold you before you start to fall. And I would love to quarrel with you, because that makes a relationship that interesting.

Don’t you think we just should try it? We could fail, but we should give it a try, shouldn’t we. Just to know that it doesn’t work. And maybe, it does work. And that’s why I need you. Thinking of you creates a smile. Just for a while but it does.

And that’s it. This is my love letter. I hope you read it till the end. And maybe you keep thinking of me. Maybe you just call me right now. And maybe you don’t. It won’t be a misery. It’s up to you. And I’ll start to look through the glass again. It’s snowing, you know? It’s snowing for ages, isn’t it?

So I have to come to an end.

Yours, me.

My life’s a sitcom, right?

Oh my beloved readers,

I quite know, that it’s hard to become an outstanding blog in this big universe of self-publishing people. But now, I really have something, which possibly could be really interesting.

Maybe you know, that I  have to stay in bed (or on couch) the last few days. I was ill, and I really wasn’t interested in doing something really useful. Therefore I watched so many sitcoms, via internet in the first place. The new episodes of Scrubs, some episodes of The Big Bang Theory. And … I started watching How I Met Your Mother. And again, I just found that one guy, who’s just like me. Always romantic, falling in love twice a week, and just couldn’t get out of it. In Scrubs, this is J.D, of course, and in HIMYM it’s Ted.

And. Hell yeah. I’m a nice guy too. Really. I’m awesome. Really humourful. Can’t believe it. Yeah, you’re right. You can’t expect something else. But I’m not that tearful person I seem to be, if you read all my texts about love. It’s my fault. I mostly write blogposts, when I’m sad, angry or whatever. But now this will change. Like on my German blog, Neon|Wilderness, I just will start a sitcom. But wait, no. My life will be this sitcom. Sounds awesome?

It is! But I won’t write two sitcoms. The main thing is in German, I’m sorry. But I will always post translated episodes here, of course. But it will take more time, of course. And what could you expect? It’s hard to explain: I will write (!) episodes for the sitcom “Neon|Wilderness” (working title). But I also will use the medias podcasting and video. And you all will read, hear, see, what happens in my life.

Yeah. It’s not only my fantasy. It’s my life. But I just have to get more active. I need exercises. And therefore, I just plan, not to be alone on New Year’s Eve. I don’t want to be that guy, who’s standing under the exploding fireworks, watching all the pairs in my friendhood kissing at the time X. I want to kiss someone to. And hell yeah. It’s not interesting who this is. I just have to find someone. You will see.

And so, I hope that you like this idea. Everything can happens, you know. Everything, it’s my awesome life. I would love to get your comments on my thoughts!

searching.finding.

Well. I do not stop thinking about a new way to become a … let’s say … famous blogger. Is the blog-hype over? I don’t think so. But now I know what makes a blog uninteresting: Don’t write about thousands of topics.

Make a professional blog about one thing. But am I an expert? Can I write about something like a professional? I do, of course. I’m an expert in being a 21-year-old. Being a 21-year-old, who doesn’t get on the right way to live a life in a nice, rememberable way.

But I will do it. From this moment on. And I will write about it. The name of this blog fits perfectly to this topic, don’t you think. This could be  great. Really great.

I stop being the one, who’s searching for love. I’m just becoming the one, who’s finding it instead.

Looking for a target group.

I like this blog here, you know. But does anyone read my thoughts?

Today I was thinking about a new way to get more readers. Well … I must admit: I’m really surprised by all these Americans reading my posts. But now, I also want to get people from Great Britain, France, Spain, Italy, Greece, from Sweden, Denmark, Poland. Therefore, I’ll write more often about “European topics”. Maybe that’s not that interesting for my American readers, but I really need more attention. Because with 0-2 readers a day, I won’t do this for a long time. Blogger need attention.

So, maybe you won’t like it, maybe you will.

photocredits: JenDarling1010 | fllickr

Wonder Years

Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you’re in diapers, the next day you’re gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a town, a house, like a lot of houses. A yard like a lot of other yards. On a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is, after all these years, I still look back…with wonder.

I have to grow older.

photocredits: circo de invierno ⑲ ~ | flickr

Answers about me.

According to lahja’s great questionnaire, I now try to find answers for that too.

What is your best friend’s name?
Why should I tell it? I can only say: there isn’t only one best friend.

What color of underwear/boxers are you wearing now?
I’m still in bed. I don’t have any underwear at my body right now.

What are you listening to right now?
Moneybrother – The’re building walls around us

What’s your favorite number?
8

What was the last thing you ate?
A hand full of peanuts.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Green.

How is the weather right now?
I don’t want to look out of the window. But I’m convinced it’s foggy.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
An unknown nice woman.

The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
“Oh, you have no penis!”

Do you have a significant other?
No. Not right now.

Favorite TV show?
Scrubs.

Siblings?
Yeah. One dead and one alive.

Height?
5.7 feet

Hair color?
Natural blond hair.

Eye color?
Greybluegreen

Do you wear contacts?
Sometimes.

Favorite holiday?
Every summer holiday.

Month?
May.

Have you ever cried for no reason?
There  has always been a reason.

What was the last movie you watched?
Eternal Sunshine of a spotless Mind.

Favorite day of the year?
July 7th.

Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Yes, I am.

Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)?
Maybe, but I don’t want to try it.

Hugs or kisses?
Hugs. For everyone. For free.

Chocolate or vanilla?
Both.

Do you want your friends to respond to this?
No.

Who is most likely to respond?
lahja. She did it first

Who is least likely to respond?
Peter Jackson. But he isn’t a friend of me.

What books are you reading?
American Skin by Don de Grazia

Piercings?
No.

Favorite movies?
Garden State, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, Sin City.

Favorite football team?
I neither like football nor soccer.

What were you doing before this?
Sleeping.

Butter, plain or salted popcorn?
Butter.

Dogs or cats?
Dogs.

Favorite flower?
Daisys.

Been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do?
Yeah.

Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?
I hope so.

Have you ever loved someone?
Oh, yes. I did.

Who would you like to see right now?
No comment.

Are you still friends with people from kindergarten?
No. But wait, my mother works in the kindergarten. Oh, then. Yeah.

Have you ever fired a gun?
Yes.

Do you like travel by plane?
Yeah.

Right-handed or left-handed?
Right-handed.

How many pillows do you sleep with?
With one.

Are you missing someone?
No comment.

Do you have a tattoo?
No, and I never will have one.

Anybody on myspace that you’d go on a date with?
Everybody who’s on myspace won’t get a date with me anyhow.

The first finale.

Today, after all of you have seen the final of my favourite TV-show of all time at my 21st birthday, on May 6th this year, I did it too. “My Finale” sets an impressive dot at the end of this wonderful series.

Since the first time on air in Austria and Germany, I’ve watched every episode I was able to. And with all this endless reruns while waiting for the next synchronized seasons, I know can say, that I’ve really seen every episode. And because I didn’t want to wait again some weeks and months ’till the start of the eight season here, I watched Scrubs on the Internet.

Season 8 is really great. One of the best, I think. So many crazy, funny things happens, so many patients to feel with. So many J.D./Turk – fun. All about love, feelings, life and at least: growing up.

Maybe that’s the reason I love this series. Maybe just because it’s just like “Garden State”. A nice, wonderful, breath-taking growing-up thing.

As I’ve read on Wikipedia, ABC comes up with a new season. Renewing nearly the whole cast, planning 13 episodes for season 9, it seems, that they really want to set up a whole new series under the name of “Scrubs”. On December 1st 2009 Scrubs starts again with a double episode “Our First Day Of School” and “Our Drunk Friend”. I don’t know how it will be, but hey: If you see the first episodes of the new season, tell me how they are.

My very own writing month.

As you possibly have noticed, I take part at the NaNoWriMo, the National Novel Writing Month. Half of the month is over, I already should have been written more than 25.000 words. But: FAIL. I’m at 6.700 words after all. That’s not so good, I know. And this year I really want to take the challenge. But because of the really stressful last weeks, I wasn’t able to do more.

Is it possible to write the next 43.300 words in the upcoming two. weeks?

It will be hard, I know. But I still try it. (And yeah! That’s the first blogpost written with the WordPress-app on my Blackberry. It’s nice, isn’t it?)

My Sister’s Keeper | A movie review

About two weeks ago, I saw the movie “My Sister’s Keeper” in the small old cinema in Gmunden (Upper Austria). And although I’ve heard the storyline a  little bit before, I wasn’t prepared for that kind of movie.

The movie is about a family, who is confronted with a hard fact: Kate, the daughter suffers from leukemia. Because of this, the parents tried the “in vitro fertilization” to get a child, who can help Kate. Anna, the girl who “was created” wants to emancipate … she doesn’t want to lose her dreams for saving her sister.

“My Sister’s Keeper” is a fantastic movie. Moving, breath-taking, funny, dreamy and dramatic. I was crying nearly the whole movie long, and wasn’t really able to stand up after the end. I had to wait, to rethinking the film, to get back into my real life. It’s the first time this has happened to me after watching a movie.

So, please. Everyone should see this movie. It starts a very interesting ethical question: What do you think about “in vitro fertilization”? But in the first way, it’s an enormous great movie about a breath-taking story. Watch it!