Nobody wants to be perfect. It’s just an annoying thought of becoming a perfect person. It’s impossible and so I just haven’t tried it at all. Well, there were times, when I thought it was possible, but it normally didn’t take a long time until I realized the reality. Being perfect is perverse, isn’t it?

So, girl. Just let me be. I’m here to touch your hair, to kiss your neck. I’m here to spent my time with you. You make everything easier than it is. You make me blind and I make you sick. It’s okay. I just have to do it. I really love you, from to bottom of my heart to the top of my brain. Yeah, it’s true. One of the first times my heart and my brain were united in an unbelievable symbiosis. I love you and I really don’t want to hurt you. And I hope, I’m not able to do it, by the way. You are fragile, and the same I am. Everyone seems to be fragile when he/she is in love. Isn’t it awful. Everything becomes more dangerous, more horrifying just by loving a person? It is.

I do everything that you need. I really try to. It’s hard work, but I’m willing to do it. This is love. Do you know? And that’s the reason, why I was so fucking sad, when you weren’t able to show me the love I need, too. I’ve learned so much, the past few years and now I know. You can’t love a person in a perfect way. Everone has his/her own failures and problems. You don’t have to hide them. And by the way: You aren’t able to. This is love, do you know? It’s love just to love a person not only “with all his/her problems” but “because of all his/her problems and failures”.

So, just let me disappoint you. Let me be who I am, and I promise. Everything will be easier. And: I still will be lovable, won’t I?

photocredits: ok23| flickr

Do you remember the last time we walked through the snow. Our jeans became wet, before we reached our place to rest. Do you remember? I do.  Of course, I do. It’s impossible to forget something like this. You were wonderful, with the little snow crystals in your hair, and your cheeks getting immediatly red.

I love winter. Like I love summer, fall and spring. Every season offers its wonderful moments. But after this wonderful spring, this breathtaking summer and the upcoming fall, I’m really looking forward to the first snow, to go skiing and to Christmas. The time with my family and all my friends.

Do you know, that the only thing I still need this year is a … a girlfriend? Yeah. Everything is wonderful right now, I spend most of my time during the week with one of my closest friends, and at the weekend, I meet all the other ones. I’m always on the run, but hell yeah! I like it. But the only thing I need. Well, the only thing I need is a girlfriend. That would make my life so completely wonderful, more wonderful than right now.

I’m not searching for someone. I want everything to be that uncomplicated as it was with my first girlfriend. I deserve getting into a relationship as uncomplicated as possible, don’t I! Well, let’s see. Maybe this wonderful thing will happen sooner as I can imagine.

And do you know? On Wednesday, we will get snow.

photocredit: vonSchnauzer / flickr

Reading the online newspapers yesterday, it was funny to get through all the reactions world-wide. Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize and everyone is talking about: “Does he really deserves such an great prize? What has he done since becoming the 44. president of the United States of America?”

It doesn’t surprise me, that the Republicans aren’t very happy for Obama. But I must admit, that it’s really a wonderful sign for John McCain for congratulate Mr. Obama. So, does he deserves such a prize? After a litte more than 9 months of being president?

I don’t know, but I think, he deserves it. Why? Let me start here: His election campaign was great. When I watched his speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, I got tears in my eyes. His speech was somehow like the song “Imagine” by John Lennon. Talking about equality, and all these things, everyone has missed during the W. Bush-years. And the most fantastic thing is, that he brought Hope back into our mind. Not only the Americans, but the Europeans too.

His speech to the Muslims in Kairo in Juny showed once again, that he doesn’t want to see everyone as an enemy. That it’s possible to live on this planet together. And he stopped the missile shields in East Europe, that absolutely would have changed the relationship to Russia. And, believe it or not, he’s talking about an non-nuclear-world!

It’s true. He haven’t done very much, but his plans are great. If every plan would work, Mr. Obama would become the most important President of the United States of America. Definitely!

And it’s awful, that the Republicans now say, that he doesn’t deserves the prize, because he still wasn’t able to solve all the national problems. Hello? Why is there a financial crisis? Who left America worse than ever. Who doesn’t ever think of a new health-care system? Yeah! The Republicans! They convict Obama for not solving the problems in 10 months, which Bush has left over 8 years.

The Nobel Peace Prize is an international prize. And a really immense important prize! So just be happy, that the U.S.-president won it! I think the Nobel-jury does know, what they are doing.

Hey guys!

I’m so Web 2.0, am I? You can find me here, on Facebook, Twitter and many other networks out there (completely new: Google Wave). And I love it to be a part of such a great crowd. And do you know, that I started my first Twitter account in March 2007 (so maybe I was one of the first Austrian Twitter members at all)? And … I used Facebook before it has become such a hype here in Austria. Yeah, I’m totally in there.

Well, of course, one time I came to the point, when I realized, that I’m more in this virtual world, with all my blogs and the other things in the Web 2.0. And I stopped it. I changed my lifestyle, started to live in the “real world” again. And now, I know how to use it right. If you are able to combine those two worlds, it’s just an extraordinary fun!

So why do I write about Twitter? Normally everything should have been said. Yeah, but there are still people, who believe, that Twitter is just a complete nonsense. For people who are to shy to become real exhibitionists. But it’s much more. I want to buy an mp3-player … and who do I ask? My followers at Twitter, because then I will get so many responses from people who have tested them all. And of course there are some people, I met at Twitter first and then in the real life. That’s nice. Funny … but absolutely nice.

Twitter isn’t the new blogging. I still haven’t been able to blog in 140 characters, sure. At Twitter you throw with links, with the latest information or a picture of your meal. Everything is possible, and that’s why it got up very high on my priority-list very soon. So, if you haven’t tweeted at all, just try it. You’ve got nothing to lose.

First of all, I want to introduce you to one of my most beloved friends, Sarah, who has become an international blogger some days ago. I still remember that night at her place, when we were talking about my blogging experiences, and some days later, she started a blog (called: pearls of light) on her own. Since two years I’m following her through her fantastic and wonderful life. And I myself love her words, joining her into her dreamy fantasies. So, after you’ve decided to write in English, welcome in this big blogosphere! Thanks for being (such) a (wonderful, empathetic, nice, lovely, great, ambitous, true) friend!

And now, I don’t really want to apologize for being so lazy here. But dreams of the future isn’t the only online project, who has suffered, while I lived my life the whole time. The last few weeks of my holidays became an house party at a friends place. Nearly every day, we were sitting together, drinking wine, and playing Wii.

Since last week, I’m student of the University of Applied Science in St. Poelten (the capital of Lower Austria), studying “media management”. And after these few days I can really say: I love it. It’s completely different to the University of Vienna. There, I was one of 1.500 students, studying the same boring stuff. Now, only 80 people started media management, and sometimes we are just in a group of 27. That’s definitely a better place to become a media specialist.

Last week (and here are the bad news) my grand aunt died. She was nearly 90 years old, it’s a good age for dying. But although I knew that this will happen soon, it was a little bit strange. And after all, it was the first time, I’ve cried because of a beloved person since the death of my nephew. It was a good feeling, after all the deaths and funerals this year.

It’s typical. There were some years, when everything is wonderful around me. But I was not really quite confident with myself, my life. But 2009 is my year! I’ve got a job, had a wonderful trip to Hungary with great friends, started into the new year at St. Poelten. Everything is great. But only in my life. Long relationships of friends ended, many, many people died (or at least tried it), and of course: we’re in generation crisis. Can this destroy my dream of a wonderful year? Not at all. I feel great and so I definitely have the power to help wherever I can do it.

And now I just want to say: I’m back. And I will start to write much more literary texts. Welcome back (again)!

“I’ve stopped loving you. Finally.”

I smile, because I would be able to tell her these news. It took a long time ’till I came to that point. I’m sure, that now, I’m fine with it. Why? Because I’m able to let her go. At all. In her own live again. It doesn’t hurt, when I see her again. And I myself am able to fell in love again. Without constantly thinking of her.

I’m back. In my own life. All these things, that happened in this year, changed me completely. I didn’t become adult at all. But I just kissed the lips of reality. I’m earning money, month for month. Start living in a complete new hometown. I’m fine with myself. Everything just seems right. I’m able to fell in and out of love, I’m just back in business. Aren’t that good news?

It’s awful. Everyone, who has read about my life since the beginning in 2006, must have been really surprised because of my change. This kinda melodramatic boy becomes an empathetic, sensefull and interesting young man.

How does it feel? Like … like I’m new born. Really.

My grandmother died two weeks ago.
Yesterday I was at the funeral of my granduncle.
And some time ago, a former friend tried to commit suicide.

That sounds horrible, doesn’t it? But I feel fine. The trip to Hungary (from 6th to 15th) changed me totally. I don’t know why, really. But I’m far more self-confident, I love my life and I’m sportive (a little bit). And, of course, there were three awful news. The most dreadful one was the last one. We were best friends, when we were ten. Now, he lost one hand. And, he’s in the psychatry. Damn … he’s the same age as I am. How dreadful.

My aunt understood, why I wanted to go to Hungary instead of being at the funeral. That’s nice. But yesterday, I couldn’t get out. And it was one of the most awful and totally impersonal.I don’t want to die that way. That’s horrible.

(Right) Now I’m on the way to Vienna, working on some new projects for my job. And I hope, that I’ll be able ton get home as soon as possible.

photocredits: Wolfiewolf | flickr

I won’t be there. Until August 15th.

[The trip to Ozora will be great, wonderful, breath-taking, amazing, exhaustig, extraordinary ...]

Furthermore, my grandmother died yesterday.

In times like these, it’s hard. To show the people behind these web 2.0-activities. I’m not the blogs, or the Twitter-accounts or this guy at Facebook. These things are parts of me instead. I use them to inform people about me, my life, my dreams, my thoughts. And you definitely know, that that’s not the normal way of live in 2009. I’m a exhibitionist. I adore to be autobiographical. I write about myself without thinking of consequences. Do I have to? Should I delete pictures at my Facebook account, just because they can be problematic in my future?

I don’t. It was a hard way until I get to that point, but now, I’m sure. Although I put myself into the center of all lights, I know what I can write. Or how I should write it. I can write stories without telling names. And nobody could expect who these people are, but if they read it, they do. And … do I have anything to keep secret? Definitely! You can be sure: There are things, that won’t find there way into my blogs. I’m human, don’t you know?

Talking about Facebook is a little bit harder. Everybody could post everything and then link it to my name. Photographs of a boozing party? Yeah, they exist. And sometimes I’m linked to them. But I don’t want to see pictures of me vomiting or something (and fortunately I haven’t vomited for ages!).

But I’m definitely not that guy, who is afraid of the internet and the web 2.0. It’s like being famous. You have to tell the paparazzis something, or they will write fairytales about you. You have to navigate the news about yourself. Facebook, blogs, Twitter or the monster Google aren’t bad. They are very helpful. Because of blogs, I’ve worked on a wonderful and interesting project, and because of Twitter, I get a nice job. Without applying.

Why do I write this post? I found ‘Google Sites’ some days ago. And I always wanted to have a real ‘homepage’, a place to start. Here it is. Tell me, what you think about it. What do you want to know? I can make the page bigger and bigger. And what should I do, when English people come to my German blog. How can I redirect them to dreams|of|the|future? Do you have any idea?

And … finally: Are you afraid of the Internet? Do you know someone, who’s afraid of it? Tell me you stories, please!

I am convinced: I can’t imagine, how we, here in Austria, would live without health insurance. And I was deeply surprised, when I’ve recognized, that nearly 50 millions of U.S.-Americans don’t have any health insurance. That was … I don’t know … ten years ago? And since I can remember, Barack Obama is the first American president, who try to change this big FAIL. [Well, I must admit: I only know Clinton, W. and Obama].

Well, maybe you don’t know. But the series “ER” is also very successful in Europe. And there I’ve seen the problems of not-insurance. Kids, who can’t be operated, because there’s no health insurance. People, who have to wait in the waiting room, because of the same reason.

Now, we just here something about the problems of Barack Obama. The Republicans are against his plans, and some Democrats too. But … come on, people! You (all of you) need a health insurance. If nearly everyone of the people in the United States will be insured, then you yourselves can call your country social and modern.

Do you like his idea of a new tax for the really rich people? That would bring more than the half of the money, the Americans would need to reform the health insurance system. So, why not?

What do you think? Do you support Obama’s work?

photocredits: leoncillo sabino | flickr